Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
