I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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