she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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