I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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