piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
