John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
