you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
