I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's always time for handjobs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize