I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
