Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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