One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
