I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
