Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
