For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
