Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
