After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
