you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize