i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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