i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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