It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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