I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
