note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
