and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
