WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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