What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
