Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
