More tranny stories later!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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