and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
