Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
