he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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