y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
