WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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