my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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