Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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