dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
soo... how was my night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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