I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
