With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
