now i know why i became what i already was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
