I hate all girls vehemently.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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