Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your cock deserves a montage
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
