Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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