I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
