I'm lost and stupid without you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
