then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
