There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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