Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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