My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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