dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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