you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize