I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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