were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
