Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up under a house in Key West
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
