4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
