Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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