The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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