I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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