No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
