Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
