who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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