My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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