So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize