I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
