Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there is glitter all over my balls
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
