woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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