You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
