Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
