I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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