fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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