when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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