I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
