yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
