Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
