I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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