He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
