im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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