Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
