KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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