Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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