I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
