Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
