Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
