life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
