Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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