all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
