The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
