You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
