well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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