Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
