And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
