I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize