I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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