if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
