WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
