Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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