that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
