I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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