I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
