I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
