I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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