at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
