So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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